A snowman

Snowman: ...

Me: Hello Snowman.

Snowman: ...

Me: I've gone through counseling. I realize you are nothing more than a snowman... you are not a Parson, nor are you magical. I now understand that my wishing you to be these things stems from a deep seeded fear I have that I will be alone my whole life. I want to create friends, in an effort to have friends. Does that make sense?

Snowman: ...

Me: I thought you'd say that.

A-Rod

A-rod: What the fuck? Where am I?

Me: Why did you leave the mariners?

A-rod: What?

Me: Why did you leave the mariners to play for the Yankees? Have you no pride?

A-rod: Wait, kid, are you saying you made a snowman, pretended it was A-rod, just so you could ask that?

Me: Yes.

A-rod: Well I'll be damned... who's the girl?

Me: My girlfriend.

A-rod: Are you married?

Me: No man.

A-rod: Well, either way I was going to hit on her. I'M A-ROD!

My Aunt Margie

Aunt Margie: Oh my gawd it's cold out here.

Him: I know, Aunt Margie...

Aunt Margie: But really, it's so cold I feel like my face is going to fall off... OH MY! HAHA! That would be a hoot... my face falling off.

Him: Yes it would Aunt Margie...

Aunt Margie: Oh well, I guess I just have to wait until the sun comes out for that to happen... because some nephew who shall remain nameless built his aunt out of SNOW! SNOW?! Can you believe this?!

Him: No.

Aunt Margie: Ohh... who's the girl?

Her: Oh hi, my name is Karen.

Aunt Margie: You've done good for yourself boy...

Him: Thanks.

Aunt Margie: Are you married?

We: No ma'am.

Aunt Margie: Well I take it back then. Didn't realize she was a tramp.

Parson Brown

Parson Brown: Are you married?

We: No man! But you can do the job while you're in town!

Parson Brown: Ah, well I hope it happens right where I'm sitting... you failed to give me legs.

We: Oh, sorry Parson, didn't mean that.

Parson Brown: Well a lot of good sorry does me... you know how hard it is to be a parson. A friggin' Parson?!

We: We're sorry, we didn't know...

Parson Brown: Fine. Fine. I'm talking to two unwed heathens who probably have had intercourse several times, I don't have legs, and you two are just walking around in this fucking Cold as shit WINTER WONDERLAND!

We: Look, you need to calm down!

Parson Brown: I'M A SNOWMAN! SORRY IF YOU THINK I'M OVERREACTING WITH THIS CARROT NOSE OF MINE!